The Power of One-on-Ones: A Key Strategy for Success as an Engineering Leader

As an engineering leader, it's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day operations of managing your team. But if you want to take your leadership skills to the next level, it's crucial to make time for one-on-ones with your team members. These regular check-ins can help you build stronger relationships, improve communication, and identify and address any issues early on. In this blog post, we'll explore the power of one-on-ones and how they can help you succeed as an engineering leader.

What are One On Ones?

As a leader in the engineering field, having regular one-on-one meetings with your team is crucial to having a successful group of engineers. These meetings give each engineer the chance to talk about what they're working on and any difficulties they might be facing. It also gives managers the opportunity to offer suggestions and guidance for each engineer's projects and to strengthen the relationship between the engineer and manager. Having these one-on-one meetings is a key factor in making sure the entire engineering team is working well together and achieving shared goals.

How to Set Up Effective One On Ones

One on Ones are an essential part of effective engineering management. They provide a platform for engineers and managers to have meaningful conversations, build trust, and collaborate on projects.

In this article, I am accumulating best practices for setting up effective One on Ones between engineers and managers. We will look at how to make the most out of these meetings by establishing clear objectives and expectations. Additionally, we will explore how to create a comfortable atmosphere for both parties involved in order to ensure that the conversation is productive and successful.

Avoid discussing topics that can be easily discussed in open areas such as your team's desks or the cafe in a 1:1 meeting. If it's suitable to be overheard, it's not appropriate for a private conversation. Instead, use email, Slack, team meetings, or any other company communication channels. Embrace awkwardness in your 1:1s by committing to bringing up one awkward topic and encouraging the other person to do the same. This creates accountability and peer pressure to be authentic. However, if the act of committing to awkwardness feels awkward itself, use that as your quota for the next meeting.

Examine your other communication channels if it's difficult to get to the heart of the matter in 1:1s. Use other methods like email, team meetings, Slack, text, etc. for updates, simple questions, and feedback. Don't waste the opportunity of a 1:1. Plan ahead by thinking about what you want to share and what you want to hear from others at the beginning of each week. Instead of avoiding awkwardness, plan to embrace it.

Talk about emotions in meta-conversations and label the emotions you or others are feeling. It can lead to an awkward yet meaningful discussion. To receive honest feedback, make it safe for the person giving it. This means having a genuine desire for feedback, providing a reason for why you are asking, acknowledging your own issues, promising a good reaction, thanking them for being honest, presenting options, asking about emotions, asking for a letter grade, expanding on feedback received elsewhere, and making it easy by presenting options.

The Benefits of Regularly Scheduling One On Ones for Engineering Leaders

Regularly scheduling one-on-ones for engineering leaders is an important part of successful engineering teams. These meetings provide an opportunity for engineering leaders to stay in tune with their team members, build trust, and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

The benefits of having regular engineer one-on-ones are numerous. They can help to foster better communication and collaboration between engineering teams and their leaders, identify potential issues before they become major roadblocks, and promote a culture of open feedback and constructive criticism. Additionally, these meetings allow for timely recognition of achievements and provide a platform for engineers to get the support they need to succeed.

Few Tips for Making the Most Out of Your One On Ones

One-on-ones are an important part of any engineering leader’s job. They provide a platform to build relationships, understand team dynamics, and discuss the progress of projects. However, it can be difficult to make the most out of these one-on-ones if you don't know how to engage your engineers in meaningful conversations. Here are few tips for making the most out of your engineering leader's one on ones:

One-on-one meetings with employees are typically held weekly and last at least 30 minutes. The goal is to provide support and be an attentive listener for your team member. During these meetings, you should be physically present and make eye contact, avoiding distractions like phones or watches. Taking notes shows the importance of the conversation and following up demonstrates commitment. Punctuality, treating others with respect, and follow-up are essential in these meetings. When employees raise concerns, it's important to address them and close the loop to build trust. Provide public praise and private criticism, avoiding aggressive behavior. To have productive conversations, consider asking about job satisfaction, challenges, and company updates.

• When have you felt excited about what you've been working on in the past year?
• When have you felt most proud about being a part of the company this past year?
• When have you felt most motivated about the work you've been doing?
• When have you felt most "in flow" or "in control" of what you're doing?
• What have you been wanting to learn more of, get better at, and improve on?
• Your reaction will set the tone for future conversations
• Talk less, listen more
• Take notes and show gratitude
• Do not get defensive
• Empathy should be your mission
• Create a positive and open culture
• Begin each meeting with a win
• Notify in advance if you plan to touch on professional development
• Be curious and provide feedback and ideas
• Don't cancel and be flexible
• Say "thank you" to show your colleague that you value them
• One-on-ones should be held weekly and last at least 30 minutes.
• The goal is to provide an open ear and to be more than just a manager to your teammate.
• During one-on-ones, you should discuss performance concerns and track progress towards goals.
• Body language should be open and receptive, with eye contact and no distractions.
• Punctuality, the Golden Rule, and follow-up are important for effective one-on-ones.
• Follow-up should be done both verbally and in writing to ensure effective communication.
• Address any concerns or requests raised during one-on-ones and provide updates if necessary.
• Publicly praise and privately criticize, avoid yelling.
• Ask questions to understand your teammate's job satisfaction, motivation, and areas for improvement.
• Discuss company events and challenges and ask for your teammate's opinions.
• What do you think you are best at?
• What do you love about your job?
• What makes you tick?
• What is part of your job now that you wish you could change or do less of?
• Fill in the blank: You know it was a good day at work when ________.
• Think of a time you were happy in your job.
• Weekly questions:
  • What went well this week?
  • What could have gone better?
  • On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you? Why?
  • What makes this week a ____.
  • What would it take to make your week a 10?
• Talking about important events or challenges happening throughout the company:
  • Changes in staff
  • Company strategy
  • Certain deals
  • Changes in policies like benefits.
  • When asking for feedback, encourage the person to come up with a solution to any negative issues
• Get to know the leadership potential of your team members by asking for feedback on their colleagues
• Start the meeting with praise, then address the issue, and listen to the person's response
• Use the "Oreo" concept of saying something positive, giving the feedback, and ending with praise
• Alternatively, be direct if the "Oreo" concept doesn't work
• Have the person come up with a plan to resolve the issue, and follow up in writing
• Make the feedback action-oriented and task-focused rather than personal
• End the meeting by thanking the person for their openness and recap the solution.
• When communicating with team members, solicit their opinion to facilitate a conversational tone. If they don't understand a topic, give them the opportunity to ask for clarification. If you need to research further, respond in an email promptly to show that their concerns are important and heard.
• Encourage feedback on team members, including both positive and negative feedback. This gives you the chance to recognize someone's good work or coach a team member to improve.
• End meetings on a positive note. Avoid mixed signals or repetitive meetings that can drain workers' energy and make them dread one-on-ones. The goal of these meetings is to build trust and foster productive communication that supports each other's career goals.
• If the last meeting ended on a negative note, consider having lunch or express excitement for the next meeting. This helps maintain a positive relationship and strengthens trust.

For Beginners:

• What do you like about working with me?
• Do you feel I am approachable when you have questions or need help?
• Do you feel our pairing sessions are productive and do you learn from them?
• What do you think is my best contribution to the team?
• In your opinion, where do I hold the team back?

For Experienced Team Members:

• What do you like about working with me?
• How could I improve as a teammate?
• Technically, where do you think I could improve or what do you think I should know compared to other developers at my level of experience?
• In six months, what would you like to see me doing or contributing to the team more effectively?
• What do you think is my best contribution to the team?
• Where do you think I hold the team back?

For the team as a whole:

• "How's life?"
• "Can you tell me about what's been most surprising about working on X so far?"
• "I was thinking I might be too hands-on on this project. Should I back off and check-in with you only bi-weekly? What do you think?"
• "What do you think is the most overlooked area of the business?"
• "Where do you think we're behind compared to other companies?"

End the meeting on a positive note by verbally expressing your satisfaction with how it went or highlighting something positive that the meeting revealed. This can help to avoid making employees feel fatigued or dreading future one-on-ones. The goal of these meetings is to build trust and improve communication, so that both you and your teammate can reach your career goals effectively. If the meeting ends on a negative note, consider following up with a lunch or expressing your anticipation for the next one-on-one.

Reducing Disengagement in One-on-One Meetings:

• Empty talk: Meetings filled with unproductive chatter and not discussing important issues.
• Bare minimum answers: Team member provides short, unhelpful responses when asked questions.
• Broken records: Continuously discussing the same topic without making progress.
• Cut short: Both parties want to end the meeting as soon as possible, even if it hasn't lasted long.
• Poor body language: Team member takes a defensive posture during the meeting, such as crossing their arms or avoiding eye contact.

To address these issues and improve engagement:

• Show genuine concern for the team member.
• Make the meeting their own, with their input and feedback.
• Take notes to ensure progress is made.
• Ask thought-provoking questions.
• Discuss their career growth and support their development.
• Focus on empathy and understanding.

Tension and Energy:

• Ask questions to uncover the team member's level of tension and energy.

• Examples of questions to ask:

  • "When have you felt frustrated in the past year?"
  • "When have you felt dejected or demoralized this past year?"
  • "When have you been disappointed with a decision or direction of the company?"
  • "When have you been annoyed with me and my actions as a leader?"
  • "When have you felt bored in the past year?"
  • "When have you felt stressed or overworked in the past year?"

• When did you feel excited about your work in the past year? What can I do to provide more opportunities for that excitement?

• When were you most proud of being a part of the company? How can I ensure that we continue doing things that make you feel proud?

• When were you most motivated about your work? How can we create an environment that promotes motivation?

• When have you felt in control of your work? How can we give you more space and time to feel that way?

• What do you want to learn and improve on? How can the company support you in doing so?

• When did you feel that this company was one of the best places you've worked at? How can I make it the best place you've ever worked at?

Tips for Engaging in One-on-One Meetings:

• Admit your shortcomings
• Express that your questions are genuine and not just to check a box
• Let the employee know that their input is important to you
• Avoid getting defensive
• Listen calmly and ask follow-up questions.

Note: It's important to avoid defensiveness as it can kill an open culture. If an employee brings up a tough topic and you get defensive, it sends the message that you didn't really want to hear it. This may make the employee less likely to speak up honestly in future one-on-one meetings.

Listen and Take Notes:

• Avoid trying to refute every comment made.
• Ask questions concisely.
• Listen actively.
• Take notes and thank your employee for sharing their thoughts.
• Practice talking less and creating space for the employee to speak freely.

Do's:

• Start the meeting by sharing a positive outcome.
• Notify the employee ahead of time if you plan to discuss professional development.
• Adopt a curious approach. Listen to the employee's concerns and provide feedback and suggestions for problem-solving.

Don'ts:

• Avoid cancelling the meeting.
• Be flexible with your agenda.
• Don't forget to express gratitude.

Bullet Points:

• Your reaction sets the tone for future discussions.
  • Listen and take notes.
    • Avoid trying to refute every comment.
    • Ask questions concisely.
    • Listen actively.
    • Take notes and thank the employee.
    • Practice talking less.
  • Do's:
    • Start the meeting with a positive outcome.
    • Notify the employee ahead of time for professional development discussions.
    • Adopt a curious approach.
  • Don'ts:
    • Avoid cancelling the meeting.
    • Be flexible with your agenda.
    • Don't forget to express gratitude

By incorporating these tips into your one-on-ones, you'll be able to create a more productive, positive, and supportive work environment for your team. You'll also be able to identify areas for improvement, and help your team members grow and develop both professionally and personally. And, as a result, you'll be a better manager, and your team will perform better as well.